The Refusal

I still have days I want to give up.

The pain gets to be too much to handle and my emotions flood my entire being.

It’s not easy.

It was never intended to be easy.

But right when I feel like I want to stop fighting,

I’m reminded.

Reminded by an overwhelming feeling that I signed up for this.

That I chose this life path purposely so I could rid myself, my true self,

Of the karmic baggage that’s been weighing down my ascension, lifetime after lifetime.

My awareness in this lifetime has reached a state of no return,

There’s only what’s to come.

Really, there’s only right now.

This revelation has caused me to surrender to the emotional, mental, and physical pain.

I’m reminded to let it be,

To feel the pain without judgement.

It sucks and honestly it’s fucking hard.

But the fact that I chose to cleanse my soul in this lifetime makes me realize how strong I really am.

And how thankful I am.

Thankful to realize that this isn’t “Lupus” or “Fibromyalgia”.

This is the shedding of things that no longer serve my highest self.

After this shedding,

Whether in this lifetime or the next,

I will get to experience an ascension that I’ve never yet been able to encounter.

And that knowing is enough for me to keep fighting.

But just know,

I still have days I want to give up – but I refuse.

 

-Felt by me, written by me. We’ve got this.