I’ve been having a lot of self-doubt and negative thoughts creeping in lately and I thought I would share the experience. I want my journey to be completely transparent, which means I share beyond “love and light”. If you’ve read my blog posts before, then you’re already familiar with that. I thought I would talk about my experiences lately because these are very real emotions that shouldn’t be pushed aside.
Side-note, I am extremely lucky to have such an understanding, loving life-partner. Tyler has not only been my safe place these past 8 years, but he has pulled me out of some really dark times that are inevitable when doing deep healing work. I am forever grateful for his constant support and unconditional love.
Th self-doubt and the negative thoughts will never fully disappear, it’s just how we deal with them that is going to change. In past experiences, I have been successfully able to just be like “go away bad thoughts, you’re just a distraction”. Sometimes it works like that and other times it’s a little more complicated than that.
When we are committing to deep healing work, there is going to be an emotional release, as I call it. And this emotional release can be explained like this:
Picture a box that needs a key to open it. This can depict one emotion. When we do deep healing work, that acts as our “key” to open this yet to be discovered emotion that has been buried deep inside us (aka the emotion that is trapped in this box). Without the appropriate triggers and healing, this emotion will remain locked up inside of this box until we consciously choose to deal with it. The longer that this emotion stays in this box, the more gross, distorted, and wrecked the box will look. When we go ahead and do the necessary work, healing can begin. The box will have had it’s key to open, resulting in a release of emotion. This emotion can be anything – even one that has no physical name.
This is 100% my original thought, you wont find this explanation anywhere else because I got it from my own mind. Wether or not it’s true is just a matter of perception. For me, this is true. I like to explain it like this because it can really provide you with a good visual. Are there actually a bunch of locked, moldy boxes inside your body? Physically, no. But on a more energetically and emotional level, yes there are tons and tons. We just have to remember that when one of these boxes gets unlocked, when we are triggered enough to heal on a deeper level and let that hostage emotion release into our awareness – the only thing you are required to do is to feel it. You don’t have to act on it, you don’t have to take it out on others or even yourself, just feel it as it is.
I understand that it’s a lot easier said than done. But I was hoping this post would be a reminder that you’re okay if you are experiencing some released, long over-due, pent up emotions. Scary, undiscovered, never-felt-by-anyone-else-before emotions. That is what I have been experiencing lately. And maybe you have too.
But guess what? It’s ‘normal’, whatever that really means. We’re okay and we’ll always be okay, it’s just a matter of remembering in the moment that we’re okay and we are allowed to feel these emotions without having to beat ourselves up about it or getting too caught up in the emotion itself. Emotions never stay, so let it run its course!
It’s a new year and old shit is still clearing out from 2018. We must let these energies surface and clear so that we can make room for more experiences and opportunities.
Thank you, Tyler, for always helping me remember. And thank you to all of my supporters who can really feel what I am writing. You all are the reason this is one of my greatest outlets.